22nd Oct2010

Role of a Pregnant Husband

by Joe and Christi

Pregnant Husband?

Okay so I'm not pregnant but my stay-at-home wife is, and when she is pregnant I'm pregnant. I am writing this to all men out there in the same situation. I know how it feels to feel overwhelmed. It's kind of hard not to feel this way sometimes in this busy place today called America. Unless you're without a job, then you don't really want to work much at home. What's often on our minds is getting home, relaxing, and having some "me" time. I believe everyone should have some "me" time everyday or we will lose control. Whatever is yours is yours: meditating, napping, praying, reading a book, sitting outside with the fresh air with nothing but a soda or beer or whatever floats your boat. I am a Christian, and though I don't do it as much as I should, I find that reading and praying even if just for 1/2 an hour fills me with strength, peace, and clarity of purpose and life, and I find myself wanting to help out around the house more. The is problem with "me" time is when it becomes "all" the time.

I have a wonderful wife that cleans up the house, does dishes and laundry without much complaining, and takes care of our two other children at the same time. I have to say it is quite exhausting to do this! I have taken care of the kids and the house a few times while my wife went out with her friends or mother for hours at a time. Ugh. I can honestly say I would rather take any of my other jobs over a stay-at-home-dad anytime! And I've been a garbage man, lumber-mill cleaner, and dishwasher before… often times not the most desired jobs. I believe I have it figured out why staying at home is so rough: when a baby wants something, it doesn't matter if you're right in the middle of something important, they want it bad and they want it right now or everyone in a three block radius will hear about it! When they're not hungry, they're pooping, and when they're playing, they're not picking up. The only time of solace is when they're sleeping. Why do I paint this brutal picture of a beautiful thing called family life? Because men rise up – be a man and help out. The best leader is the best servant. Do some little things. Change more diapers. Read your child a story. Cook. Even *head falls down in despair* do the dishes and laundry once in a while.

I know that anything done or said not from the heart will fall to the ground ineffective, so the things I suggest here need to be accompanied with love from your heart. Have you lost that feeling towards your wife? If so, do you want to get it back? If you no, then there's something in your relationship that need to be fixed first before wanting to help your wife out around the house. If you said yes, then the solution is this: you need to see her. (Kind of like Avatar I guess) Why did you love her in the first place? What motivates her? What is unique about her personality? We all have bad qualities, but what are her good qualities? Focus on those things and you will reignite love. Also a huge point: don't take your wife for granted. Don't let failed expectations destroy your love for her. The moment you take your wife for granted is the moment you start descending the mountain of love into the valley of selfishness.

As an imperfect husband, I have found so much joy in my wife and kids. I just want to impale them into my chest cavity sometimes as I hold them and spin around! I don't feel like that all the time, but I find that when I drop what I am selfishly doing and try teaching my youngest daughter how to walk (she can take a few steps on her own), or talking to my wife about what happened at work (I'm a 911 dispatcher – yeah there are a few stories to tell), or coloring with my two year old daughter, I feel satisfied afterwards. When I play a game or fool around on the internet, that same satisfaction afterwards is often missing.

That's just my opinion from one father to another. Do you find yourself agreeing or disagreeing? Feel free to make comments or suggestions or share your own story here. Thank you.


– Joe

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